Beginnings and Endings and That Stuff in Between
I feel in life there are three seasons we go through.
That stuff in the middle
And funny enough endings and beginnings happen at close to the same time. You end high school, begin college. End your time at home, begin your life in a new home. End friendships and begin new ones.
Endings and beginnings are those scary but exciting times. You’re anxious to start something new, but also feel the excitement of what could become of it. The possibilities seem endless and you feel like you could be progressing your life into something better than before.
It’s those in between times - that stuff in the middle - that in my opinion can be the toughest times. Don’t get me wrong it can be great to be comfortable. Having a job that you know what you’re doing, a group of friends, a place to live where you know the things near by, those are all great things. But sometimes it can become too comfortable, and too monotonous. The same thing everyday, every week, every month. You just start going through the motions. The spark of something new isn’t around anymore and life can seem dull at times.
I’ve been in that in between now for awhile. Don’t get me wrong- it’s been great at times. It feels good to be settled and feel like you belong somewhere. But it still always makes me wonder - what more could I be doing? Am I really living this life to the fullest?
Next year may be that year of endings. I’ve kept this hush hush cause I haven’t made a definite decision cause there’s a ton of things to consider, but I may be making a cross country move in a year. That will mean a lot of endings - end a job, end a life in Chicago, end of volunteering at willow, end of seeing my friends every day. But also the thrills and excitement of new beginnings of all those things.
It’s not a decision I’ve taken lightly by any means, but it hasn’t scared me as much as it excites me. I love change and exploring new places and I think this could be the perfect time for the start of something completely new.
But for now I’m trying to be content with the stuff in the middle.
- Joan Rivers, “I hate everyone… starting with me” (2013)
You’re only given a little spark of madness. You mustn’t lose it.
— Robin Williams (via booksquoteslove)
I saw this post secret card and it really got me thinking about my current situation in life. To start off, I can’t fully agree with the card - I don’t feel like my college didn’t have a lot to offer me. In fact, I think the college I went to, the experiences I had there, and the people I met during those years allowed me to become the person I am today.
However, I do agree with the second part. The first sentence. I have not reached success yet so the second part isn’t for me, yet. (fingers crossed) But I feel like so much of our teenage lives we are focused on what we have to do to get into a good college, so we can get a good job, so we can support our family and all the babies we will inevitably have. The steps never seem to end. When do we get to enjoy where we are and not worry about “the next step?”
I lead a small group of senior high school girls so this has been on my mind lately as they are stressing about choosing the right school so they can get the right job and lead a successful life. That’s a whole lot of pressure for an 18 year old who probably has no idea who they are or what they want out of their life.
I wish I could tell them it is a big decision, you are spending a lot of money after all and it will help determine your path in life for a little while, but you will probably change your mind. A bunch of times. Cause you’re young and inexperienced, and will always want something more out of life. And you know what? That’s totally okay.
I went to school at an expensive private liberal arts college with plans to one day be a great journalist. I graduated, with a ton of debt, and with no aspirations to be a reporter. (Perfect timing am I right?)
Do I regret the decisions I made? No. The friends I made in college, and the professors who taught me, helped me become comfortable with who I am. I’m a pretty quirky person and they accepted me just as I was and encouraged and embraced my weirdness. In that time of my life I needed that. I had felt like I was brushed aside in my high school years and this was one of the first times I realized my voice mattered and people wanted to hear it. I had ideas and things to say that were important and I needed to speak up because of that.
Now to be honest, most of my college friends I’m not super close to anymore, besides two of my roommates. While that used to make me sad, I have realized some people were put in our lives for a short amount of time to teach us lessons. They taught me a big one I could never thank them enough for. I’ve made new friends and transitioned to new phases of my life, and cherish and love the new ones I have right now, who teach me ways to better myself everyday.
In my two years post college I’ve learned more about life and what’s important than ever before. I have learned how to live off very little money, what to do when you actually do run out, and how to accept a very boring job and continue to go there everyday for two years and not want to scream at everyone in sight. Most importantly I’ve learned how important it is not to compare yourself to the success or failures of others. I’m really bad at this but I’m trying to learn it’s okay to not have everything figured out at 24 years old.
Right now in my life I feel like I’m at another decision making point. I find myself asking is it financially responsible to do this? Will I actually enjoy doing that? Will people think I’m crazy for choosing to go there?
There’s new opportunities out there with big risks, and I’m trying to decide what the best path is for me to take. My improv teachers always say if you’re gonna fail, fail big. So maybe I should start taking that advice.
Nature loves courage. You make the commitment and nature will respond to that commitment by removing impossible obstacles. Dream the impossible dream and the world will not grind you under, it will lift you up. This is the trick. This is what all these teachers and philosophers who really counted, who really touched the alchemical gold, this is what they understood. This is the shamanic dance in the waterfall. This is how magic is done. By hurling yourself into the abyss and discovering it’s a feather bed.
— Terence McKenna (via breathofdawn)
Yes yes yes yes (via dirtyflowerchild)
(Source: rabbitinthemoon, via abigailcorinne)
I like to color in coloring books, go on picnics, play the ukulele, sing obnoxiously, bake cakes, & write. My favorite food is grapefruit. I love folk music. My life would be complete if I could join Mumford & Sons. My number one goal in life is to be Tina Fey. I want to be a world explorer and travel across the globe. Want to be best friends?